If we don't write it down then where does it go?
Not counting the Wordpress blog my dad had made me when I was in the second grade, I have never seriously taken the effort to document my life. After all, what is there to really write down? What is there to remember? What is there to leave behind?
You live; you experience; and when it's done it's supposed to just pass you by and you're supposed to gracefully accept the passage and transience of memory. Because that's how life is. Apparently.
Then I got older, not that old, but old enough for things to happen: for things to come and for things to go. You can make it a point to ask from where they come and to where they go, but the ultimate question comes in: why does it matter if they stay? Whether all the people and events who come into your life are by windfall, or serendipity, or as part of some Grand Plan, they come into your life with one sole purpose--and that is to change you.
Who are we, if not a loosely associated collection of the people around us, the places that we've been, the things that we've witnessed: that time you jumped off a cliff and into rushing water, that collage of love and loss you keep so close to your chest, losing your way, finding your way? Who are we, if not for the stories that we tell after all of this over?
This blog isn't so much an endeavor toward immortality. It isn't really a desire to hold onto the past and to remember every detail of my life either, but rather it represents a small hope to simply remember the path I took to arrive at the present. Because as terrifying as it seems, there will be a time when you will forget what was once your most passionate desire and all of the other crazy dreams you hold right now that you are already too scared to lose. I am writing this both for the Tammy 10 years from now as well as the Tammy 10 years ago.
So, to kick off the inaugural post, I figured I'd begin by listing all of the things that I am grateful for in my life right now:
- Having parents, who despite their faults, genuinely want me to succeed and be happy in life.
- A big sister who has always been my biggest role model, who despite being an insufferable snob and control freak, will always have my back no matter what.
- Two doggies who have shown me unconditional love
- The incredible opportunity to go to college, and be given the sole task of just absorbing and consuming and learning as much information as I possibly can.
- The existence of the internet and open-source and dissemination of knowledge that has allowed me to continue learning past the classroom
- Some cool friends who motivate and appreciate me, and who have enough patience to understand my weird distancing tendencies in friendships
- The opportunity to still pursue art and dance and through those understand more what it truly means to be alive
- Meeting all those incredible mentors who have helped me on my professional journey
- All the books I have read and have yet to read that have changed and molded and shocked me into the person I am today (for better or for worse)
- Quora! For being the source of knowledge I didn't know I needed but now can't live without.
- The physical inability to hold grudges.
- The emotional capacity to get really sentimental and emotional over small, insignificant details.
Here's to me asserting my digital presence with a dose of gratitude. I can only hope that life will continue to challenge and surprise me.